the unwritten rules

There are many unwritten rules between friends. The two biggest rules are: never use anything friends say against them... and don't date their exes. If the ex-girlfriend rule is ever broken, chances are that the friendship will be lost, and a physical fight might even break out. As much as men swear that their exes don't mean anything to them, it still hurts when they realize that their women have found someone new. If that someone else is a close friend, it just amplifies the pain.

No matter how long you've been infatuated with a woman and no matter how much you think you're in love, drop any thoughts of dating any of your friends' ex-girlfriends. If you were too shy or embarrassed to ask her out in the beginning, it's too bad, you lost your opportunity so drop it.

It's always easier to approach women you know, and chances are that your friend spilled enough juicy details about his former partner that you know exactly what makes her tick. Although this train of thought may tempt you, forget about it. Women may be beautiful, charming, wonderful, loving, and seemingly perfect, but no woman is worth the loss of a close friend -- as I learned, a little too late.

Get it on!

circle of friends

In today's fast-paced life, men have less time to go out and meet new people. If they live in large cities, there is no sense of community and meeting new people is often the result of pure circumstance. The women that men meet and eventually go out with usually result from work encounters or friends setting them up on blind dates. Some relationships develop through sheer luck, but most of them stem from a circle of friends.

Sometimes men can be a little too kind and introduce friends to women that they have their eye on themselves. This situation happens often, and is one that I once found myself in. Three years ago I had a female friend that I was very fond of, but I never asked her out on a date because I was too shy (can you imagine that?). It wasn't so much shyness, but rather the thought of the repercussions of an unsuccessful date on our friendship. Instead I found it a lot easier to introduce her to my best friend.

I figured that I could have a relationship with this girl vicariously through my friend. If it worked out, it would feel as though I myself was dating her -- though I have to admit, I never thought their relationship would go very far.

It didn't take long for me to question my decision. Life without risk is not worth living, and I came to the conclusion that if she rejected me, I would eventually move on. Now I was in a precarious situation: should I ask her out and risk losing a friend, or should I just forget the whole idea?

To make a long story short, I forgot about it while their relationship flourished. They dated for two years, but eventually she and my best friend broke up. The problem remained that I was still interested in her even though she had just broken up with my friend.

One Should be creative!

Be creative.
Take a little time to think it through. A three-hour date with a movie that lasts two and a half-hours is not a good way to get acquainted. Then again, you don't want to be stuck staring at each other without a topic of conversation. A daytime meeting takes the heat off.

Lunch or coffee is a good start (If you want to checkout a local spot to meet for lunch, you can go to Dine.com, enter your zip code and get ratings for restaurants in your area.)

Even better - a trip to the zoo.

Plenty of topics for discussion without having to deal with issues like: "What happened to your last relationship?" And you can avoid the usual casual chit-chat like: "My wife is still missing." "I met my first boyfriend on the prison bus." Yada. Yada. Yada. Clothing Clothing is not optional. Wear clothes that make you feel good. New clothes always help - but if not new, be sure they're clean, pressed, and fit well - or if that's not your style - be sure they fit whatever way makes you feel the most comfortable and still look presentable. Help the Other Person Feel Comfortable Find something nice about your date and compliment her or him. But mean it. Don't just say, "Nice shoes, Gladys." "Swell belt, Ralph." Let's review. Find something nice. If it's painfully difficult to come up with something that you sincerely like about the person, you shouldn't be out with them in the first place. Manners and/or Kindness Thank the other person for the date - always, without exception. Good manners are still in style. Well, not necessarily good manners - but common sense. Human kindness. That sort of thing is always in style. Focus on the Other Person - pay attention to your date. No wandering eyes. No preoccupation with old relationships, work, bank robberies. Be THERE. Listen actively to what your date says. Don't interrupt. While your date is talking, don't spend time thinking about what you're going to say when it's your turn. Attitudes and Habits - stay positive. Don't complain on a first date. Be cautious about alcohol - if you drink heavily, you're not going to be at your best. If your date gets swacked on your first date, it's not necessarily due to nervousness. He or she is likely to be a heavy-drinker, at best, and could end up drooling on your new, pressed clothes as you shovel him or her into a cab. Date ideas for the week: Take a class together. Wine-tasting? Photography? Or cut to the chase with a massage class.

What's your FIRST DATE IQ - take our quiz and see... if you're a dating genius - or dating challenged ... If you're looking for more original dating ideas, pop over to our entertainment section. OR Check out some cute movie dates.

My Boyfriend Doesn't Care Dating Question

X asks: "I've been with my boyfriend for a while now. Recently he told me that he doesn't care whether he is with me or not and that he doesn't care about me. I love him to bits but I just wish he would make up his mind and tell me straight if he wants to be with me or not. What shall I do or say to him?"
Bonny's reply: X, I think your answer is in the question. If your boyfriend doesn't care about you, why on earth would he be your boyfriend? Why is there even a discussion about what to do or say?
I understand that you love the gent, but please don't use that as an excuse to stick together, or get upset that I don't understand how you feel. I get many, many of emails every week from women like yourself who wail, "But I LOVE him!" as their reply to my suggestion they look at other options in their love lives. Now you haven't said as much in your email, but the fact that you're asking what to do leads me to believe you might.
So. Instead of saying, "I love my boyfriend. What can I do or say to make up his mind about me?" Try instead, "I love myself. What can I do or say to honor that?" I believe that once you sit down and ask yourself that question, the answer to what to do about your boyfriend not caring is obvious.
Readers, what do you think? Feel free to share your thoughts, opinions or similar experiences by commenting.

What is Dating?

Dating is a form of courtship, and may include any social activity undertaken, typically, by two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity. Traditional dating activities include entertainment or a meal.
In many cultural traditions, including some in South Asia,^[1] and the Middle East^[2] and to some extent East Asia, as in the case of Omiai in Japan and the similar "Xiangqin" (相親) practiced in the Greater China Area, a date may be arranged by a third party, who may be a family member, acquaintance, or professional matchmaker. Internet dating has become popular in recent times.
Although dating etiquette has become more relaxed during the twentieth and twenty first century, there are considerable differences between social and personal values. For example, when an activity costs money (such as a movie or a meal), the man was expected to pay. More recently the practice of "going Dutch" (splitting the expenses) has become more common and acceptable.
Due to the wider availability of information about traditionally secretive issues, individuals are more open about their interest in sexuality both in form of dating language and dress. The difference in expectation of a date in the male/female view of dating is quite marked and clearly shown by the public advice disseminated by popular media like magazines, which is in stark contrast.
The average duration of courtship before proceeding to engagement or marriage varies considerably throughout the world.